my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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