Your face is a jimmy john
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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