I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
