I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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