You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
