my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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