3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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