why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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