oh god the rape fog is back!
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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