i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Found the puke drawer
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
