go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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