I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
