I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
