you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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