mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
