I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
