I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
wow bdsm is so cute
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
