Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize