puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
