thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
