he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
