i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
