How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
