Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
