Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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