Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
