You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
