Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
