I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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