Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
50% drunk capacity currently
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
