like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize