I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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