sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize