Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
