Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
