Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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