and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
