Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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