I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
