I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
