U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Duck Duck Cougar?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
