Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
