I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
