The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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