totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
