Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
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And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
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The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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