hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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