Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
