We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
