well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
