True but thats because hes a fetus.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
