I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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