seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
