I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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