I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
