Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
