I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
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Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
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You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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