Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Also, beer. Big fan.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
