First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
