so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
