we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
