i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
