i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
