You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
