you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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