I heard we made out
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize