I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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