I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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